


Delayed Gratification

by Sasassy



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, Gags, Kink Negotiation, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay, Porn with Feelings, Sensation Play, Sensory Deprivation, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5396504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasassy/pseuds/Sasassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uta liked to celebrate his birthdays, usually at Itori's bar with his friends, but he had learned over the years not to expect Renji to join those parties.<br/>This time around Renji had asked him to skip Itori’s bar altogether and to stay at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delayed Gratification

**Author's Note:**

> Happy (belated) birthday Uta!

 

Compared to other ghouls, Uta liked birthdays. Others, like Renji, chose to ignore those days as they were a simple reminder of how many years they got compared to their friends who died way before their time.

But Uta liked celebrating the small things in life, and staying alive long enough to witness another birthday come around was one of those things.

 

However, he had learned over the last few years that he shouldn’t expect Renji to partake in his birthday celebrations. Not that he ever did something fancy, like more wealthy ghouls did or the parties humans would host. No, he usually just liked to go to Itori’s bar for a nice bottle of blood wine and assorted snacks, as Itori liked to call them, but Renji hardly ever joined them.

 

Uta didn’t mind, by the end of the night they would always find their way to each other and Renji always had some sort of gift for him. Mostly art supplies and books, being the thoughtful friend that he was.

 

This time around Renji had asked him to skip Itori’s bar altogether and to stay at home. Uta couldn’t deny that he was slightly suspicious and itched to question the other man until he would share the secret he tried to keep, but in the end, Uta chose to let it slide and let himself be surprised. Whatever Renji had planned, it wouldn’t be anything crazy that would have Uta fleeing in terror. Renji was too pure a soul for that nowadays.

 

So he called Itori to postpone their date with the excuse that he felt like staying in for a change and floundered to talk her out of coming over and lounging around together. By the end of the phone call, Uta was sure that Itori suspected something, given the way she kept chuckling and calling him _lucky boy_ instead of his usual nickname. But Uta couldn’t be bothered to dwell on her strange behaviour. It wasn’t that far from her usual behaviour anyway.

 

Waiting for Renji proved to be more tedious than Uta had anticipated. The clock read long past midnight and Uta had closed his shop earlier than usual to have some downtime between work and Renji showing up. That had been four hours ago and he was getting annoyed and restless.

There were no text messages or calls and Uta wanted to call and ask what was taking so long, but he had been pestering him enough about the surprise and Uta didn’t want to start the evening off on the wrong foot. They hadn’t seen each other in several weeks, now that Renji and Touka were implementing the new food supply system for the ghouls of the 20th Ward that lost their food supply during the Anteiku raid.

 

Renji was busy helping their kind survive, so busy that their relationship was standing on shaky grounds right now and Uta wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Their relationship hadn’t been the most stable by default, since they had never defined it or laid down clear rules. They just took every day as it came and dealt with problems as they were thrown at them. They had never before had problems with their unlabelled relationship but lately Uta felt like it was a mistake.

 

They were literally exclusive anyway and had been for a long time. The last time Uta had been intimate with anyone but Renji had been years ago when he had hooked up with a guy from a club, only to eat him as soon as he got his pants off. It had been a desperate measure to get food when he was starving and not anything pleasurable.

And Uta knew for a fact that it had always been him for Renji.

He knew better than to doubt their relationship, but he couldn’t help but do so anyway. Sometimes, when Renji withdrew into himself in stressful times and forgot to call or text for days, Uta couldn’t help but worry. He couldn’t help but feel too demanding when he asked Renji to come over and spend time with him, smooth-talking him into staying the night just so he was able to feel the other’s body resting next to him. There were times when Uta wasn’t even sure if Renji wanted any of what constituted the habits of their relationship.

The doorbell rang and ripped Uta from his reminiscing harshly enough to make him flinch. He extracted himself from the blanket he had been wrapped up in and walked over to the door, the corners of his mouth already twitching upwards as he thought about finally seeing Renji again.

They might not have a label, but Uta knew that he loved Renji the way he should love a husband.  
He opened the door without even having a look through the peephole. It wasn’t necessary, he could already smell Renji’s unique scent wafting through the crack of the door.

”Good evening, Renji,” Uta greeted the other man with a plastered on pleasant smile, hiding his churning emotions behind it, and beckoned him to come in. He noted the non-descript plastic bag in his one hand and the small duffle bag he used for overnight stays in his other. It was a good sign when he brought the duffle bag. But what was even more noticeable and pulled Uta’s chest tight with worry were the heavy bags under Renji’s eyes, making his face look worn and exhausted.

”Hello, Uta,” Renji replied as he toed off his shoes and walked across the room to put his bags down on the couch.

Uta didn’t expect congratulations to his birthday, but Renji’s casual greeting still stung.

”My birthday is already over, you know? You’re a bit late for that,” Uta said with a casual shrug of his shoulders.

Renji winced a little and averted his eyes as he shucked off his coat.  
”I’m sorry. I was running an errand and it took longer than I first thought. I wanted to be on time.”

He seemed upset about it, so Uta swallowed down the hurt he definitely didn’t feel at spending his birthday without the person he wanted to spend it with most and held onto the fact that Renji was here now.  
”It’s okay. I get why you’re always so busy lately. You’ve got your priorities sorted.”

Renji sighed and it sounded exhausted and just so done that Uta’s chest tightened even further. Maybe he should offer his help with whatever Renji and Touka had been doing for the last few months.

”My priorities right now are being here and ... and you,” Renji said and Uta felt shock settle in. Renji never talked like that. Ever.  
Not to him at least.

”Okay,” he answered lamely and stood there uselessly. Actually, he wanted to drape himself all over Renji’s body and slow-kiss him senseless but he couldn’t even blink. ”What did you have in mind to do?” he asked instead.

”I- I thought we could try that one thing you talked about a few months ago. The thing you wanted to try one day...” Renji trailed off and Uta could see the light dusting of colour blooming on Renji’s cheeks. His eyes finally snapped back to Uta’s and their gazes met. ”I want to do that for you.”

Uta was dumbfounded.  
”What?” he asked, once again at a loss for words. He could remember what they had talked about, but Renji had been against it. He had said he didn’t want to try it.

”It’s your decision,” Renji said and his gaze didn’t waver at all. ”I’ve prepared something. Something you said you wanted to try and I’m willing to do that for you.”

”Yes,” Uta said without batting an eyelash. He hadn’t lied when he had said he wanted to try it, and if he was being honest, he had written it off as never happening in this lifetime or the next with how vehemently Renji had refused it.

”You don’t even know what I prepared, yet.”

”I don’t care. I want all of it.”  
Uta wasn’t lying. He would take anything from Renji, anything he offered willingly like he did right now and he would be the happiest man alive.

”I’m prepared to take away any of your senses, so you can choose as you want,” Renji informed him with the voice Uta knew him to use on his more distressed customers.

”Take all of them,” Uta told him immediately.

”All of them?”

”Blindfold me, gag me, cover my ears.”  
He was already getting hard just thinking about the world of physical sensation stretching out in front of him with his other senses gone. He was dying to finally get to experience what it felt like to be touched by his lover’s strong hands without being able to see his next move, or focus on his voice should he decide to talk. He wanted to drown in the soft caresses those capable fingers could inflict on his sensitive skin. ”I mean it. I want all of it.”

Renji huffed a breath. He sounded almost exasperated but Uta could see the corners of his mouth twitching up.  
”Okay,” he finally agreed and moved closer so he could kiss Uta’s lips chastely and quickly. ”Do you need to take a shower?”

Uta thought about the implications of that simple question and he was sure his knees wobbled with excitement.  
”I think I might have to. How thorough?”

”Very,” was the only answer Renji gave him before he gave him a little nudge towards the bathroom and stepped away to retrieve the bag he had brought with him. Uta didn’t hesitate and almost ran to his bathroom, ripping his clothes off of his suddenly too tight skin and stepped into the shower. The lukewarm water raining down on him did nothing to alleviate the sudden heat gathering underneath his skin, burning him from the inside until he was shaking.

He made quick work of cleaning himself up meticulously and left the shower, haphazardly dressing himself again. He could have gone out naked, but he enjoyed being unwrapped by Renji like his body was an anticipated gift underneath the Christmas tree.

His bedroom was dimly lit and a tad warmer than usual as he stepped back in and Renji had laid out the tools he would use that night. There was a soft looking dark cloth meant to blindfold him, ear muffs that were just a bit too chunky to not be felt but Uta could live with that. The last item laid out was a gag, a black leather strap holding onto a red ball.

”Yes,” Uta said before Renji could even ask the question and crawled onto the bed, positioning himself right in the middle of it. Renji followed quickly after and moved between his slightly spread legs, leaning down so they could kiss. It was urgent and suffocating and Uta found himself pushing into it, sucking on Renji’s lips harder than usual until Renji ultimately pulled back with a sigh.

”You’re too impatient,” he chided. The guilty undertones were still there. He was most likely blaming himself for it. And it was true, Uta was frustrated and impatient after so many weeks of being physically apart.  
It wasn’t just the sex, though. He had missed just being next to Renji and watching a crappy movie or sharing a bed with him. He had missed knowing he was in the same room reading a book while Uta worked on some designs. He had missed them so much, it was a physical ache settled deep in his bones and only now that Renji was right here, did the ache start to slowly fade away.

He refused to say it out loud though, that his impatience was Renji’s fault. The other man had enough on his mind already, he was burdened enough after everything that had happened this year and Uta wouldn’t inflict his selfish needs onto him.

”I’m sorry about that,” Renji eventually apologised and Uta knew it was about those last few weeks. Maybe he had been more transparent than he’d thought.

”Don’t worry about it, Ren. I know you’re busy.”

Renji hung his head and rested his forehead against the tattoo on Uta’s neck. He could hear a deep inhale and Uta knew that he was taking in his scent. Then his lips started to wander, along the jutting line of Uta’s clavicle, the column of his throat, tracing the letters inked there until he finally came back up to touch their lips together.

It was a slow and tender this time, burning deep in their chests with bright intensity and Uta buried his fingers in silver hair, holding him closer and tight to keep him there as long as possible. But Renji pulled back again and Uta could barely bite back the annoyed sound building in his throat.

”Here, take this.”

Renji shoved an object in his hand before he dove back in to kiss Uta breathless, but this time it was Uta who broke their kiss first. He couldn’t help it, he was too confused.

”That’s ... a dog toy?” Uta stared incredulously at the neon green ball.

”It’s your safe word,” Renji corrected him. He closed his hand around Uta’s and squeezed, resulting in a loud squeak. ”Squeeze once for slow down, squeeze repeatedly until I stop if you need me to stop.”

Uta nodded in understanding and confirmation and tested the size of the toy in his hands. It was big enough so he wouldn’t just lose it, but small enough to fit his delicate hands.

”I will check in with you as well. If I hold you like this-” He brought his hands up to Uta’s face and cupped it gently in them, thumbs automatically moving to rub along his cheekbones. ”- I’m asking you if you’re okay. If you don’t react, I’ll stop.”

Uta exploited their position to pull himself close enough and steal a lingering kiss from Renji’s parted lips.  
”Understood. Squeeze once for slow down, repeatedly for stop and do something when you hold my face.”

”Good,” Renji exhaled loudly. He seemed on edge despite being the one in control.

”Relax, Ren. You’re not the one getting tied up,” Uta joked and went in for another kiss, but Renji refused and pushed him back into the mattress.

”That’s why I can’t relax. I need to be careful,” he answered and finally started to fiddle with Uta’s clothes. He had already thought they would never get to it. ”Do you want to ... to be tied up?”

He sounded timid and hesitant and Uta frowned. He had thought that would happen anyway.

”Yeah, I want that. At least my hands if nothing else. Would that be okay?”  
He knew it wasn’t a decision he could make alone. Renji needed to be on board with it as well, since it was just one more thing to be mindful of in their little scene to follow.

”I have ropes but I didn’t plan on using them. I can, if you want me to. It’s just...”  
His words got lost along the way and he stared off into the void, that small action telling Uta that he was even more nervous about the whole thing now. That wouldn’t do.

”You’re very prepared, everything will be fine. Don’t worry,” Uta assured him and was promptly shut up with a heated kiss. This time they didn’t break apart for last-minute rules. This time Renji devoured him with his mouth, coaxing Uta’s tongue to slide along Renji’s and they only stopped when they could barely breathe anymore. Even then they stayed like that, hands pulling each other closer, parted mouths pressed together and inhaling the exhales of each other. It was sticky and intimate and Uta loved every single second of it. Then Renji moved away to strip off Uta’s clothes and he did so with efficient determination. When he was naked, Renji grabbed his hands and lifted them up over his head, pressing them into the pillow as he leant in for another kiss.

Uta wanted to use his hands and clutch at Renji’s shoulders, scramble along his hips, but Renji’s grip was too strong and he was supposed to lean back and enjoy, so he did just that. As soon as Renji felt the resistance in his arms melt away, he sat back on his haunches and reached for the plastic bag. He retrieved satiny looking bondage ropes and dragged them up Uta’s side, letting him feel the soft texture first. They felt impossibly soft and Uta closed his eyes at the feeling of the cloth moving along the sensitive skin of his side, up his arm until Renji reached his hands again.

He slung the rope around Uta’s wrists and tugged them into place.  
”Okay?”

Uta tested the fit.  
”Perfect,” he answered and tilted his head as far back as he could to watch as Renji tied his hands to his headboard. He tugged a few times to make sure again that they weren’t too snug.

Something squishy was pushed into his relaxed hands and Uta smiled. He squeezed the squeaky toy a few times to show Renji that he could actually use it with his hands tied like that and Renji nodded in approval before he attacked Uta’s lips again. Renji’s fingers trailed along Uta’s bound wrists, teasing the skin, mapping out the veins and tendons, following them down the crook of his elbow, his arm. Uta shivered at the too light touch, the soft hair on his arms rising at the tickling sensation.

Renji’s tongue dabbed against his lower lip, toying with the silver ring there and Uta sighed in contentment, opening his mouth obediently. Their tongues slid against each other, slowly, exploring the heat waiting behind sharp teeth. Uta’s arms strained against his restraints a little, aching to card his fingers through Renji’s soft hair falling around his face. It tickled Uta’s skin and he scrunched his nose at it but he didn’t make a move to recoil from it. It felt nice.

Just as Uta had made his peace with not being able to touch the silky silver locks like he loved to do, Renji pulled back and reached for the next item.

It was the ball gag.

Uta licked his lips as Renji closed in on him, the gag dangling from his fingers innocently.

”Is that okay?” Renji asked and lifted it so it was on eye level with Uta. He nodded. ”What did we agree on?”

”One squeeze for slow down. Repeated squeezing for stop,” he repeated and rolled his eyes playfully. He would have been annoyed if Renji’s thoughtfulness and caring about his wellbeing weren’t so reassuring and frankly heart-warming. He hardly ever felt as appreciated as he did right now.

”Good,” Renji praised and pressed a bruising kiss to his parted lips before he pulled back and pried Uta’s mouth open with his fingers. ”A bit more,” he breathed against the stretched flesh and flicked his tongue against the piercing, eliciting a gasp from Uta. The sound hadn’t even reached its end yet as the gag was shoved into his mouth, roughly so but still careful enough to not hurt him. Then the clasp snapped shut and it pulled tighter, pressing against his tongue. It was a little uncomfortable at first but after some rearranging and tentative swallowing around the weight in his mouth, Uta nodded.

Renji stroked his thumbs along the straps where they dug into the soft flesh of Uta’s cheeks, rubbing the leather until it was as warm as skin and then along Uta’s stretched lips.

”There’s only one thing I don’t like about this,” Renji said slowly and teased the pink flesh, making a point of fiddling with the piercing until Uta’s eyelids fluttered shut. ”I won’t get to see your ... your pretty lips stretched like that around my cock.”

Uta’s eyes flew open at the same time as he gurgled a strained moan, the sound splattering against the gag and reverberating in his throat.

”But I will hear all those needy noises so I can live with that,” he added and placed a quick kiss to the gag, making Uta suck in air through his nose. He could feel liquid trickle onto his stomach. To his mortification, he realised it was his own pre-cum.

Renji kept one hand against Uta’s cheek while the other smoothed down his chest, a finger dipping into his navel on the way and the liquid was smeared into the skin of his belly, rubbed in until the sticky mess started to catch on the dark hair trailing down his lower belly.  
His mouth followed the path discovered by his fingers, plump lips dragging along his skin, dipping into the grooves of his abs and mouthing at the glistening skin. Uta felt his heart skip a beat or four as Renji’s tongue poked out to lap at the pre-cum gathered there, all the while elegantly ditching Uta’s bobbing cock. He groaned in frustration at the definitely deliberate teasing and Renji threw him a sharp look.

”Behave,” he said curtly and Uta tensed and clenches his eyes shut as another wave of arousal rolled through him at the commanding tone.

When he could open his eyes again, Renji was looking at him, face flushed and lips parted in awe. In his right hand was the blindfold. He didn’t even get to ask the question before Uta nodded in consent and he could have sworn he saw Renji smile for a split-second, before his head was lifted gently and the blindfold darkened his vision. Renji was careful, pulling his long hair away from the knot he was tying and smoothing the cloth against Uta’s skin until it lay flat and comfortably.

Everything was dark and soft and Uta sucked a hissing breath through his nose to ground himself. It felt much better than he had imagined it.

”Okay?” Renji asked and petted his hair. Uta nodded.

Renji repeated the pattern he had established before. Light kisses to his mouth and the gag, searching fingers mapping out every bump and crevice of his torso, tongue lavishing the bulging tendons in his neck as he threw his head back in mounting pleasure. He was already so close to bursting and he hadn’t even been properly touched yet. And he wouldn’t be touched in the foreseeable future either, with Renji’s fingers deliberately missing his aching cock again and again and again.

”Laaah!” Uta called out, Renji’s name garbled by the gag, as a feather-light touches ghosted up his inner thighs, dangerously close to the apex of his thighs, but still not close enough. He could hear an amused chuckle, so close that Uta could feel the wisps of air from Renji’s mouth bouncing off of his straining cock and he whimpered. He whimpered like the pathetic mess he had been reduced to within minutes.

”Shh, you’re doing well,” Renji shushed him and rubbed his side comfortingly, the touch warm and soothing, seeping into his singing bones. There was a sudden absence of warmth following the retreat of Renji’s body and Uta growled, disgruntled. It didn’t take long for him to return and there was an object pressed to his bound hands for him to feel.

”Can I put them on?” Renji asked softly and Uta’s traced the ear muffs with his trembling fingers before he nodded shakily.

”Should I put on music or do you want silence? Music?” He waited for Uta with bated breath, one hand cupping his cheek but Uta didn’t move. ”Silence?” A nod. ”Good.”

The last thing he heard was a soft and pleasured sigh as Uta accidentally adjusted his body and rubbed against Renji’s crotch.

Then the world feel dead silent.

It was like Uta had been locked inside a box all of a sudden, the only sign of life inside his own body alight with pleasure. His blood rushed in his ears, the sound suddenly so deafening that he tried to squirm away. He could feel and hear his heartbeat thrumming throughout his body; in his fingertips, his tongue, the tip of his cock, everywhere.  
It was exhilarating and suffocating like sitting at the bottom of a pool long after breath has run out and lungs burned until coming up for air was necessary and the body running on adrenaline broke through the surface, panting and gasping, head dizzy and floating.

Uta felt exactly like that. He could hear every breath he took rasping along his throat, he could hear his vocal chords click with his desperate attempts at keeping himself from moaning wantonly. When he failed, he could feel his low moans vibrating through his chest and throat, bubbling up in his head until they almost drowned out the rush of blood and Uta squirmed on the bed, unsure whether he wanted to get lost inside his head or jump out of his skin.

A soft pressure encompassed his face and he stilled, reason taking over the sensation-driven part of his brain again and he was able to think properly now. Uta realised that it had to be Renji’s hands asking him if he was okay. He must have seemed overwhelmed.  
Uta took a few calming breaths, the rush of air in his nostrils echoing inside his head. But he managed to slow down his descend into overload, his heartbeat calming down to a less painful rhythm. Then he nodded and those fingers stroked his cheeks as if they were saying well done.

They traced soft paths against his neck next, following the bulging veins and tendons before a fingernail redrew his tattoo with painstakingly slow movements. The point of the fingernail felt like the white-hot tip of a needle, etching sensation into his skin and he trembled, a whimper escaping his throat. A hand covered his throat, holding him, palm pressed gently against his Adam’s apple and he whimpered again. It earned him a flick of tongue along his lower lip before those hands resumed their path down. Where Renji had gone by quickly before he stopped now, caressing Uta’s pectorals and every single tattoo littered along his torso, fingertips dancing around the edges, tongue dragging flat across the colour. Uta arched into the touches, back bowing off the bed as he tried to get Renji to grip harder, lick faster, do anything to get him closer to the edge. But Renji kept his too slow pace, his too delicate touches and Uta crumbled under the ministrations.

Suddenly those hands disappeared and Uta flailed, bucking his body in search of Renji, desperate to have the rough skin of his palms back on his body.

Instead of the soft touches from before he felt nails digging into his sides and scratching down, bumping over his ribs until they reached the V of his hips. Uta gasped, stomach fluttering and hips straining and finally – finally – Renji’s arm bumped his cock. He felt like crying at the contact, so innocent, so fleeting and yet everything he needed. But Renji pulled his arm away and went to lavish his thighs with kisses and licks, raking his nails down the soft flesh. Uta twitched, it tickled and the sensation sent a spark to his cock, making him dribble even more pre-cum onto his own belly.

His legs were pushed up and away, strong hands spreading him open and before Uta could brace himself for what he knew would come, Renji pressed his mouth to his entrance and sucked. Uta’s body locked at the first touch, than rippled with pleasure as Renji ran the flat of his tongue along his crack, before he dove back in to push it inside. It was messy, Uta could feel it in the spit soaking him and he longed to hear the wet noises he was sure would be there right now. Renji always sounded utterly sinful when he decided to lick him open, which he didn’t do often. Uta thanked the heavens for having a birthday.

All his thoughts burned away as he felt two thumbs digging into his puckered hole, stretching him open and Renji sucked him in earnest, eating him open with fervour and determination and Uta undulated his hips against that unholy mouth, rubbing himself on Renji’s face, the face he died to see right now but couldn’t. He felt his nose digging into the soft mass of his balls and he moaned, overwhelmed with how much he could feel if he couldn’t see. He had never before noticed how pointed and hard Renji’s nose was and how it rubbed against his balls when he licked him open, but it did and Uta fell in love all over again.

His sigh over this new discovery melted into a groan as a slick finger pressed into him smoothly, up to the second knuckle and a second one followed immediately, making Uta squirm and curl his toes in pained pleasure. His inner walls clenched around the digits, sucking them in even as it burned a bit but he loved that burn, craved it like he craved Renji’s presence next to him when he slept.

He was worked open, stretched until a third finger fit easily but those fingers didn’t curl, didn’t touch his prostate once and Uta fucked himself onto them, tilting his hips to seek the angle he needed to make them bump into that spot. He wanted to lose himself to pleasure, to white out his thoughts but Renji seemed to disagree. He pulled out with a swift motion and Uta groaned in protest.

He ached, throbbed and he wanted to articulate his frustration but all that he could do was clench down on thin air, snap his hips to seek out where those hands and mouth had disappeared to, rolling an animalistic growl deep in his throat that felt like it tore apart his vocal chords.

Soft circles were rubbed into his lower belly, soothing him but only resulting in another pleasured sob as a wrist bumped against the tip of his cock. Uta strained up, chasing that wrist to coax it into another touch, seduce the attached hand into holding him but it didn’t. It disappeared again and Uta pressed his head into his pillow, biting down his unhinged desires.

Fingertips returned to his thighs, raking nails down to his knees and back up, setting his nerves alight and voice singing before they joined at the apex of his thigh to roll his balls in a lazy motion. Something cool, something strange added to the mix and a blunt tip teased the soft skin of his balls.  
Uta wanted to cry, it felt too good, too much and yet not even remotely enough. But the cool tip rubbed against the base of his cock next and he sighed in relief, finally feeling the building pleasure he had waited for so long. It circled around his base, lightly pressing and gently grazing his skin before it moved to tickle the crease of his thigh, his balls and finally his twitching hole.

Uta shuddered in anticipation at what was to come now. He had figured out the object, had recognised the silicon texture and the shape of it to be a dildo and he couldn’t wait to have Renji use it on him as he saw fit. He wiggled his hips, trying to get the tip to sink into him at last instead of circling his rim and stoke the gleaming fire deep in his core even more. But he was too clumsy, his motions too jerky and the tip kept moving away, moving to tease his thighs and the back of a knee before straying back to his entrance to make him crave its presence even more.

Renji was a sadist and Uta huffed a breath through his nose, grounding himself to not lose the tiny rest of patience he had left. Breath hit his face and he automatically leant into it, desperate for a kiss he couldn’t have, desperate to hear Renji’s husky voice and he felt his eyes roll back inside his head as teeth bit into his jawline, setting off sparks of pleasure in his spine. He arched into the mouth decking his jaw and neck with sweet bites and even sweeter kisses, his whole being zeroed in on the feeling of Renji’s beard tickling his sensitive skin, his scent filling his nostril spiked with the scent of Uta’s own arousal. Uta’s whole conscious was focused on the sticky breath exhaled against his neck and teeth dragging along his jugular.

His eyes snapped open to meet darkness as he felt the dildo being shoved inside him, sinking in in one fluid motion and deeper than was comfortable at first but then clever fingers finally wrapped around his weeping cock and the discomfort melted away in a sea of fire burning him alive from the inside. He was shaking, his arms trembling with the urge to wrap around Renji’s broad back and pull him on top of him, his throat convulsing around the pleading words he couldn’t speak. All he wanted was Renji to take him, mark him as his, have him the way he hadn’t had him in weeks and he felt the need so intensely that his face burned bright in shame.

He couldn’t get any more pathetic, he realised and a choked sound bubbled up in his throat, dangerously close to a sob.

The hand on his cock disappeared and his face was framed again, held in warmth and tenderness and Uta nodded quickly. The hands didn’t leave his face, though, their insistent warmth seeping into him and he would have appreciated the gesture hadn’t he really wanted those hands to spread him open, stroke him fast and hard and push him over the edge until all his mind could process was pleasure. He needed something else, everything else but he couldn’t help it as he nuzzled into those hands like he was starved for affection.

Lips pressed against the corner of his mouth in a resemblance of a kiss and Uta wanted the gag gone so they could kiss for real. He wanted to melt into Renji and taste his blissful moans on his tongue instead of leather but at the same time this felt so intimate and he didn’t want to miss out on anything Renji could do to him in this state. Renji’s tongue was back to working his piercing and Uta’s lower lip tingled with the sensation as the ring was moved gently. Uta hummed and arched his neck, baring himself for Renji to take and he complied, lips moving down to nibble at his Adam’s apple.

Just as Renji bit into the soft flesh of his throat so viciously that Uta yelped, the dildo, no, the vibrator, buzzed to life and the yelp blended into a strung out groan as Uta’s whole lower body shook with the vibrations. The intensity picked up quickly, moving through the settings too fast for him to adjust to them and his legs trembled at the brutal onslaught on his insides, shaking his being loose enough that he felt like he was falling apart only to be held together by the hand rubbing along his torso. His body moved of its own accord, arching into the soothing hand, undulating against the relentless buzzing, thrusting his neglected cock up into thin air.

Teeth tugged on his nipple and Renji pressed against the vibrator, tilting it slightly the same instant he ran a finger up Uta’s cock, and as the buzzing tip pressed precisely into his prostate, Uta crested off the bed with a shout. Pleasure sizzled up his spine and exploded in his brain, rendering him numb and dazed for several long moments before the garbled keen died in his throat and his spasming form slumped back to the bed.

He was on fire.

Every single inch of his skin was burning up and alive, humming with pleasure as he came down from his high and tried to catch his breath, but before he could get his bearings, there was wet heat engulfing his spent cock. He threw his head back with a distressed mewl, fingers clenching and unclenching in a desperate attempt to ease the overwhelming sensation. Renji’s tongue licked him clean thoroughly, dipping inside his slit and moving his foreskin down with gentle fingers to suckle on his throbbing head. It was almost too much, his tender ministrations sending sharp pangs of pleasure through his whole body and he wanted to simultaneously move away and closer. But strong hands nailed his hips to the bed so Renji could exploit every soft spot he knew on Uta’s body, causing him to shudder weakly with every lick and suckle until the warm body pinning him moved away for a few seconds. When Uta could feel body heat next to him again, he curled towards it, desperate for any touch he could receive.

Renji pressed something into his shaking hands again, something leathery and long. He scouted the object with his barely cooperating fingers and could feel metal press studs but his muddled mind couldn’t figure out what it was. Those hands were back on his face, cupping it, asking him for permission and Uta nodded enthusiastically.  
He trusted Renji with his life, so he knew he would enjoy whatever he had just held in his hands.

A kiss was pressed to the corner of his mouth, just like before and then Renji moved away only to spread Uta’s legs again, resting them on his own thighs and wrapped a hand around Uta’s half hard cock, stroking it firmly a few times. Uta squirmed and gasped, he was still too sensitive for it to not be painful but he craved that delicious pain shooting through his core.

There was some fumbling right next to his hip and suddenly the vibrator inside of him surged to life with intense vibrations. Uta hadn’t even realised it had been turned off. His lower body had been buzzing so much on its own, the fact that it wasn’t the toy hadn’t even crossed his mind. His mind now locked onto that sensation, the brutal buzz against his prostate, and he keened and scooted up the bed, trying to get away from the toy but Renji kept it pushed inside him. His cock twitched, filling out now quickly and Renji helped him along with long strokes, pulling the blood from the base towards the tip with tight fingers.

There was a strange feeling Uta couldn’t place, something cooler than fingers and softer and it wrapped around the base of his balls and cocks, pulling tighter and tighter until it sat there snugly, a constant pressure that had him buck his hips urgently.  
The pressure spread from the base to the tip of his cock, a feeling like he was on the brink of orgasm again but he didn’t rush over it. He was held there, suspended in almost unbearable pleasure and pain, the sweet release he craved so much dangled in front of him but out of reach. The firm strokes returned, working his cock slowly and ghosting over his slit too lightly to be anything but teasing. He felt like crying and just when he thought it couldn’t get more unbearable, lips wrapped around his nipple and sucked.

The rush in his head intensified, drowning every coherent thought in a rush of blood and endorphins and he wanted to explode, he wanted to burst out of the confinement of his body to ascend to a world of pure pleasure but he couldn’t. It was unbearable, too much, making him tremble and heave breaths he couldn’t control anymore.

His hands clenched and he pressed the ball in his hands hard and long, but he couldn’t hear if it worked, the rush in his head was too loud, louder than anything he’d ever heard before in his life and he squirmed his head, trying to get the ear muffs off. Suddenly everything stopped. The buzz in his lower body, the firm hold on his cock, the suction on his nipple. Everything stopped and he was left with his racing heart pounding in his throat and leaving him breathless. He clenched his fingers hard again, once, and rubbed his uppers arms against his covered ears.

His face was enclosed in warmth again, gentle fingers stroking him, thumbs rubbing wetness into his cheeks. Away from his cheeks? Was he crying?

He let the warmth sink into his overheated skin, let it soothe him and on some level he remembered that he had to do something but he couldn’t properly recall what. His brain didn’t work right, couldn’t process the thoughts running through his mind into something he could actually consciously understand. Words failed him and he groaned in frustration at the fact that he couldn’t figure himself out at all. His fingers squeezed again and the hands on his cheeks held him tighter, grounding him to the reality that was quickly slipping from him. All he could do was focus on the secure grip, the soft stroking and he felt protected.

Cherished.

Loved.

More wetness was wiped from his cheeks.

Uta couldn’t tell how long they stayed like this but after some time those fingers started to move more deliberately and he knew he probably had to pay attention, so he tried his best. He turned his head and nuzzled into the rough palm cupping him. The other hand moved from his cheek and stroked his hair, making Uta hiss as his scalp prickled at the contact, but he nodded. He didn’t even know why he nodded, he just did and it earned him a moist touch to the forehead.

Then the hand left his hair and started to move to his eyes, touching the blindfold. Questioning. Uta couldn’t even say why he thought it was a question, or which question they were even asking but he shook his head no. They moved to the straps digging into his cheeks and he shook his head no. They landed on the top of his cheekbone, where the ear muff was pressed to his skull and Uta whimpered, suddenly distressed. He could feel both hands leaving his face and a second later the muffs were lifted and cool air hit his ears.

Sound came rushing back, the jarring rustling of bedsheets, the droning noise of his gas heating, the howling of Renji’s breath right next to his face.

”Shh,” he whispered, so quietly and soft and Uta still flinched as the noise hit his ears, recoiling from it. His face was held again.  
”You’re safe,” came the next hushed whisper, even quieter and Uta tilted his head closer even though it hurt a little but that voice was like a soothing balm coating his burning insides and he wanted more, wanted to soak it up until he was filled to the brim with its comfort.  
”You’re doing so well, Uta. You’re so good.”

Kisses littered his face and hands stroked down his heaving chest, setting his skin aflame again and pushing him right to the brink he’d receded from earlier. His toes curled as Renji’s hand wrapped around his cock again and he keened, pushing into the grip with a clumsy motion of his hips. There was a click of something, Uta could hear it before the buzzing inside of him came back to life and his insides clenched around the vibrator, desperate to get away from it, yet eager to suck it in even deeper. Uta pushed down, trying to get it deeper but he couldn’t and he whined, jerking his hips urgently until Renji placated him with gentle touches and soft lips to his ears.

”Just relax, love. I’ll take care of you,” he said and Uta sobbed in relief as a hand gripped the soft flesh of his inner thigh.

Renji hoisted Uta’s jerking leg over himself, locking the bend of his knee over his hip so he could use his own knee to tilt the vibrator, pushing it right into Uta’s prostate again.

Uta screamed, pushing all the air from his lungs with the sound as his fingers scrambled to hold onto something, anything, and he squeezed his leg around Renji’s hips, gasping at the sticky hot feeling as their sweat slick skin rubbed together.  
The buzzing kicked up a notch and his whole body shook with it, abs flexing and thighs jumping with every perfectly timed thrust into his prostate.

He was so so close, he could already feel his muscles tightening and he bit down on the gag, preparing himself.

The hand on his cock retreated and the buzzing stopped and Uta cried in pleasured agony at the utter lack of touch.

He garbled words of begging and pleas but his tongue only pressed against the wet ball gag, transforming his cries for release into useless mewls.

”Do you want to come?”  
The velvet voice in his ears mocked him, teased him and he wanted to resist but he couldn’t, so he just grunted and nodded in assent, pleading for his release like he had never thought he ever would. He didn’t even realise how pathetic he must have sounded, he just wanted to climb higher and higher and then crash and fall into Renji’s arms, sinking into his presence until they couldn’t distinguish where one ended and the other began.

”Not yet.”  
Uta whined and balled up his fists, the squeaky toy falling from his grip, long forgotten, and he held on for dear life as Renji ducked down and sucked his cock into his mouth, taking him deeper and deeper until Uta could feel his throat close around him and nose press against his lower belly. He couldn’t stop the groans escaping his throat now, hoarse and broken and he bucked up against Renji. His body jerked and thrashed so violently that he could hear Renji gag but he couldn’t stop himself. His mind had signed off and instincts had taken over, chasing after the climax he had been denied.

Renji pulled off of him and licked across his abs, biting him, sucking marks into his quivering skin and Uta could hear him chuckle low in his throat in a way that was so unlike him and yet so Renji at the same time that he huffed a brittle laugh. Renji chuckled louder at Uta’s sounds and moved up so he could kiss his cheek softly.

”You’re so amazing like this,” he said and lavished his ear with gentle kissed before he bit down on it. Uta flexed at the pain and Renji pinned him down so he couldn’t move before he flicked every single piercing sharply with his tongue.  
”Behave,” he said and his voice was so much darker than usual, dropping by an octave. ”If you can’t behave, I won’t let you come.”

Uta whimpered and tried to regain control over his hyperaware body. It wasn’t easy. The constant buzz of the vibrator inside him had his legs trembling and his abs twitching without pause. His hands scrambled along the ropes binding them to hold onto anything. His hips were jerking in short aborted motions, mimicking what he craved more than anything else. He wanted to come, he wanted to finally release the throbbing ache in his swollen cock, the pressure intensified by the tight leather strap around him and Uta wanted to burst the strap and let go. But he tried his best to ignore the urgency pulsing in his cock and tried to relax.

Just as he had managed to lie still for a few seconds, Renji palmed down his stomach and gripped his cock mercilessly hard, making him all too aware of its unusual heaviness and gave it a sharp stroke. All his effort was wiped away with one tug and he was a moaning mess again, moving his hips to the rhythm of Renji’s strokes.

”Do you want to come?” he asked again right in his ear and Uta nodded his head fervently, just as he thrust harder into Renji’s grip.

Renji let him go and rubbed his thumb along a sharp hipbone as if in apology.  
”Not yet.”

Uta crumbled in on himself at those words and squeezed his eyes shut, lungs struggling to keep his breathing even and deep. He reverted back to shallow gasps and tense muscles as soon as Renji’s fingertips danced along the vein on the underside of his cock, teasing him with a touch that was too light to tip him over the edge but too stimulating to not build him up even more.

”You’re still so impatient,” he tutted and flicked his thumb across his aching head, causing Uta to flinch so hard, he thought he might dislocate his shoulders.  
”Still so impatient. But it is your birthday after all. Maybe you should-” His lips moved along the shell of his ear, breath heavy and fast when he stopped there. ”- come for me,” he commanded and moved quickly to swallow him down again, lips and tongue working him into a frenzy and when Renji pushed against the toy, drilling the tip of it smack-dab into his prostate, Uta broke.

He yelled as his body pulled taut like a wire, muscles tensing to the point of pain and he stopped breathing, unable to suck in the air he desperately needed.

Everything boiled down to the ripples of pleasure sparking from his groin and sizzling through every limb, making his fingers clench and toes curl, arching his back off the bed so violently that he gasped at the force. Uta could feel his cock pulsing and dribbling cum in short spurts down Renji’s throat, his appreciative hums increasing Uta’s high even more. He moaned weakly as his climax rendered him incoherent and unable to move, holding on for dear life onto to the ropes binding him so brutally that the wooden headboard creaked.

Every touch of Renji’s gentle hands on his skin felt like heaven and every suck of his mouth felt like hell.

It was too much and Uta collapsed in on himself, his whole body wrecked with spasms as he groaned out the last wave of his orgasm.

The ball gag was the first thing to go, quickly followed by the strap around his cock, as soon as Uta stopped convulsing. He didn’t even notice as Renji unclasped it and pulled it gently from his sore mouth, pressing open mouthed and moist kisses to Uta’s dry lips.

Renji was murmuring nonsensical things into his ears, so low and quiet that Uta could barely understand them but his ears were too sensitive – anything louder than those soft whispers would have been too much after the complete silence of the last hour. Hours? Uta couldn’t tell how much time had passed.

”Here, careful,” Renji said gently and placed a hand behind Uta’s head, guiding it up and holding something to his lips. Uta wrapped them around the object and sucked on instinct. Cool liquid hit his tongue and he drank greedily, sighing in relief as the water coated his dry tongue and throat. After a few gulps the straw was taken from him and his head was lowered back down onto his pillow. A crooked finger stroked along his cheekbone, gently, oh so gently and Uta felt himself melt into the mattress even more. His body felt weird, hazy, floaty as if it wasn’t connected to reality anymore at all and was suspended outside of time and space.

The finger left his cheek and wandered down his neck, gently caressing the fluttering pulse before moving onto his chest, rising and falling with deep breaths, over the outside of his hips until they fluttered barely-there touches to his still trembling thighs, smoothing down the strung out muscles.

”Uta?” Renji asked softly close to his ear and Uta sighed. He could hardly recognise the word, could barely understand the meaning but his voice was velvety smooth and gravelly, filled with pure want and unadulterated love. It was Uta’s favourite sound in the world.

”Mmh,” he hummed in lieu of a reply and turned his face towards Renji’s voice.

”I’ll take off the blindfold. Keep your eyes closed.”

Uta couldn’t process the words, so he just held still. Like he could move. He was sure he could probably move his eyelids just as much as he could lift a leg right now. Not even a little.

Those strong fingers turned feather-light were back to his head and fumbled with something at the back of it, mindful of his hair and after a few seconds the slight pressure of the blindfold around his head disappeared. Thumbs rubbed along the line where the cloth had been fastened and fingertips raked through his matted and wet hair.

There was a soft touch to one eyelid, then the other and Uta realised that Renji was kissing them. He keened deep in his throat, involuntarily, and he felt even more light-headed than he already had.

The nonsensical murmurs were back and wrapped him in silky smooth warmth as his boneless form was jostled as Renji crawled under the blanket and pulled him into his arms. Uta could make out single words.

”... did so well ... just relax ... perfect ... -ve you ...”

Uta let himself be engulfed by the arms and heat surrounding him, the voice lulling him into a half sleep with their praise and Renji’s calm breathing seeping into his chest.

When Uta finally managed to open his eyes, the lights were dimmed and his head rested on Renji’s chest. Uta groaned quietly and lifted his head to look at his lover only to find his keen eyes watching him.

”How long did I sleep?” he asked and rubbed his eyes along Renji’s pectoral, trying to get rid of the sleepy haze.

”You weren’t sleeping,” Renji said and petted his hair. ”You were just really out of it.”

”How long?”

Renji reached over to the night stand where he had put their phones earlier.  
”About an hour. Maybe a bit longer.”

”Fuck,” Uta laughed and buried his face in the warm skin underneath him. He felt still a bit out of it so he focused on the heat seeping into his skin, focused on all the points of his body touching Renji’s, from their tangled legs to Uta’s fingers slotting in between the pronounced muscles of Renji’s side. At one point he must have stripped down to his boxers and Uta hadn’t even registered it. ”I didn’t expect that.”

”Me neither,” Renji chuckled softly, and he sounded so amused that Uta grinned even wider. ”I read that it could happen but I thought your over-active mind wouldn’t play along.” The petting morphed into fingers raking through his hair again, detangling the knots and smoothing down the mess. ”I thought, maybe you’d zone out for a few minutes.”

”How much research did you have to do for that?” Uta asked curiously. Renji’s words sounded more informed than that one time they had talked about maybe doing a scene one day.

”Enough. Touka wanted to confiscate my laptop in the end.”

Uta chuckled and stretched like a cat, feeling every strain and soreness in his body in the process. He felt better and more appreciated than he had in several weeks, months even.  
”Thank you, Renji. That was almost perfect. But it was the best gift ever.”

”Almost?”

”Mhm,” Uta hummed and crawled on top of Renji, sprawling all over his still half-clothed form. He could feel his hardness pressing against his belly. ”It would have been even better if you had fucked me senseless with that gorgeous cock of yours.”

Renji blushed a little and turned to look away, but his arms still came up to wrap around Uta again, fingers splayed wide across his shoulders and tailbone.  
”Next time, then. I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

Uta grinned like the cat that ate the canary and kissed Renji soundly, even as his chest tightened.  
”That’s so sweet, Ren. And I’m looking forward to that. But for now, let me repay you.”

He wasn’t sure what his body could do in this state but he guessed his hands would be working well enough. So he smoothed one down Renji’s chest, fingertips teasing his nipple and the soft flesh of his lower belly before it dipped beneath the waistband. He was sopping wet with pre-cum and rock hard. Uta hissed a breath.

”You managed to wait for an hour for me to be coherent again with that mess?” he asked incredulously.

Renji only nodded and bit his lips furiously as Uta’s hand wrapped around him delicately.

”Gods, you’re just so ...” Uta leant down and kissed Renji with all his might, spilling his tongue inside his mouth and drawing out a happy moan while his hand went to town. He really wanted to suck him off, take him as deep as his throat allowed and milk him dry but his jaw ached and throat burned from all his screaming. He contented himsef with his hand, thumb flicking across the head, palm smoothing down the foreskin, rhythm building frantically.

”I love you so much,” Uta breathed into Renji’s open mouth and the body beneath him pulled tight, then folded in on itself and Renji gasped his release against Uta’s mouth. His hands scrambled to hold onto Uta as he rode out his high, hips bucking and cock twitching feebly in Uta’s insistent grip until he pulled away with an almost pained groan. Uta stroked him a few more times, then moved to lay his hands across the trembling muscles of his stomach, watching his lover come down from his high slowly.

”We need a shower,” he mused quietly as soon as Renji’s breath had slowed again and his eyes opened.

Renji nodded. ”I also bought some bath oils that are supposed to relax you.”

Uta smiled happily and kissed Renji again, all soft lips and fluttering breaths.  
”That sounds perfect.”

They ended up falling asleep in a tangled mess before they finally got to take their bath in the soft twilight of morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this fic sucked my soul out of my body and I'm in dire need of a two-month-nap.
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated and keeps me going :)


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